He was a great roommate who became an even better friend. On the surface, our differences were as numerous as our similarities. Both of us grew up poor, him Vermont poor, coming up in the economic badlands poor, nuclear family with bad luck poor. Me? City poor, single parent latchkey kid poor, first generation figuring America out with no instruction manual poor.
But we’d play those epic 2-3 hour Magic the Gathering EDH battles when I was done or taking a break from the rigors of fighting my way through nursing school, or he taking a moment to stop drowning under the torrent of emails flooding the financial services department he worked in. We never really quite meshed, he and I… not in the ways that many friends do. In the same space? We’d vibe and vibe hard, my ridiculous and absurd nature drawing out laughter straining behind his veneer of civility.
Him: “Now what makes you think that’s okay?”
Me: “Because someone had to say it you shitting egg!”
Us: *Laughing*
I remember a conversation we had about milkshakes, how he would always order a vanilla milkshake whenever we’d do late night food orders. One day I asked him:
Me: “Dude, why do you always order a Vanilla shake? Why not order something different?”
Him: “Because I like Vanilla.”
Me: “But, why not try something different? There’s no such thing as a bad milkshake, and you might find something you like even more!”
Him: “But I know I like vanilla now, so why not just order the thing I know I’d like?”
Me: *confused short circuiting noises, with the most majestic left eye twitches*
This was our friendship in a nutshell. It extended to other things too. I was religious, he wasn’t. I believe in ghosts, demons, and have a huge interest in the metaphysical. Paranormal horror is one of my favorite genres, whereas for him, the consummate atheist and skeptic believed in none of that. I looked for excuses to make the world bigger, he was happy to just...be.
A day came when I would be watching one of those dramatized paranormal shows like “A Haunting” or “Celebrity Ghost Stories” and he plopped down on the opposing couch and watched with me. At first, he’d join me occasionally. Eye rolls. Sarcastic guffaws. Calling out the formula these shows followed:
Idyllic home. Couple in a transitional stage. Weird feelings. One partner dismisses. Problems show up. Same partner doubles down on dismissals. Relationship strain. Repeat until bad thing happens to skeptical partner. Intermediary shows up. Dramatic exit from property, or successful blessing/exorcism/spiritual remediation.
He called it out, and I didn’t deny it. It didn’t make it less fun for me to watch, even if we had cracked its code.
But once in awhile became a few times a week. a few times a week became marathon sessions. Somewhere along the way, it stopped being “me watching while he humored me” and grew into “our thing” All of these shows lost their titles and became episodes of “Time to Move!” Where he as a skeptic would evaluate the going on’s the shows protagonists endured, and declare when his threshold would be crossed.
Some days it would be the whispers in the dark.
Small knick knacks flying across the room would get him one foot out the door.
Anything dripping down the walls with writing in the bathroom mirror, had a 100% self eviction rate.
The day came when my own “Time to move” had arrived. I had graduated nursing school, passed my boards, found work further away. He was happily wading through his emails, and existing in his vanilla milkshake routine.
Because he had found what he believed to be his happiness, while I was chasing what I believed to be the start of mine. We were so different, and though entropy and inertia do what they do, we sometimes reach out and laugh.
“You still in Detroit?”
“Nah dude that was a few moves ago, I’m back in Pittsburgh now.”
“You muggins, you ever gunna settle down?”
“I dunno. Maybe when you order something other than Vanilla.”
We both laughed, because we both knew that I’d probably move again before he ever changed that order.
-KC
Love your slice of life stories. I love Vanilla too.