One Size Fits All and Everything After

"I strongly believe clothing sizes should be made uniform across all brands. Hell, we should make it an international standard..."

Photo by Imad Sidki on Unsplash

I strongly believe clothing sizes should be made uniform across all brands. Hell, we should make it an international standard, but unlike the imperial and metric system, one that everyone agrees upon. I don’t think that we necessarily need to extend that standard to the particular nuances of cut or style, but at least some kind of formally agreed upon rubric should be installed.

As someone who routinely has to stop for clothes at DXL or in the big and tall sections of stores, I already know what brands can accommodate the broadness of my shoulders without assuming I am built like a literal cereal box, or thickness of my thighs without assuming I have the midsection of a fridge. I am far less forgiving about shoes, especially given their often inflated costs. Given my base 14W size, I range somewhere between 14 and 15 depending on brand. Who wants to play the buy and return game that turns what should be a simple purchase into anything more appropriately titled an ordeal?

As frustrating as this can be, it did work out in my favor once unexpectedly.

Not sure what happened to the bathrobe that came before, if there even was one to be honest. But either way I was in the market for a new bathrobe, and soon found myself on Amazon beginning what would turn out to be a weeks long search. Several cart rotations and deep dives into its near infinite pages later, I found a strong contender. Terms like “luxury” do some suspiciously heavy lifting on Amazon most of the time, same thing goes for reviews if we’re being honest. But I had a good feeling about this one.

It was beautifully blue, and most importantly it wasn’t a “one size fits all” size, which I also find is all too often a lie. Ordering a 3XL I waited for it to arrive with distinct excitement. What arrived was a behemoth of plush fabric. This bathrobe was 3XL alright, but for a horse. It wrapped around me twice over, its hood draped over my face as if I was a stylishly post shower appropriate monk from some secretive order from deep within the Vatican. Plush, feeling 2-3 times thicker than the usual terry cloth fabric most other robes were made of. It was the type of thing that the rappers of the 90s would have killed for in their music videos. Warm, super sized, soft, in other words...

Perfect.

Soon I found its use no longer limited to being worn around the house, but I began wearing it out in inclement weather. Listen, in snow, misty rain, or just plain ass cold? Why wouldn’t an oversized hooded bathrobe be the appropriate choice? Who needs North Face, when I have bathroom chic?

Exactly.

It may be considered a derailment of the fashion forward concept, but at least I’ll be unapologetically warm and comfortable. And simultaneously several steps above what the “People of Walmart” try to get away with. If you’re ever feeling particularly brave sometime, give it a shot. Let me know what you think.

Works better if you let the belt flap in the wind behind you as you walk.

It looks extra cinematic.

-KC